Hundreds of 4th grade teachers bused to D.C. to brief Congressmen on basic arithmetic

Eleven buses of elementary school teachers and their students from around the U.S. began arriving in Washington, D.C. Sunday afternoon to offer emergency math lessons to congress.  Elementary school reading teachers have also mobilized to remediate congress’s shortcomings in the comprehension of the text of the American Health Care Act, which most congress members admit they haven't read.

The operation, named “8 Minus 12 Isn’t 15,” was ordered by the Congressional Budget Office. It was pulled together quickly so that House and Senate members could be apprised of the serious consequences of not understanding simple math.

Congressman Abe Witcher (R, AR) is instructed
by math students from three different
pubic school systems
“The passage of the American Health Care Act shows us, in a startling way, how deficient early childhood math instruction for many older white males has been,” said Hailey Ames, a fourth grade teacher from Bethesda, MD.  “How these poor men have been convinced that negative numbers somehow become positive if you believe hard enough shows a basic flaw in the 1960’s and 70’s education system.”  Ames said. “We’re here to help.”

A frowning Jonas Becker explained that, “300% times one is not the same as 100% times one. It’s not better. It’s more. Why are these grownups saying it’s a better deal? I don’t get it, and I’m nine.”

Secretary of Education Betsy De Vos was unavailable to greet the students due to a schedule conflict as she attended a charter school fundraiser in Manhattan on Sunday afternoon. "I applaud the efforts of these students to explain the complex concept of a 'whole number' or 'integers.' And they're from public schools, no less."

Congressman Currier Ives (R, CT) learns about subtraction
and division from eager students. 
Marcia Tabot, a 4th grader from Richmond, VA, said she was confused. “If you give away hundreds of millions of dollars to rich people who can afford a doctor, how is that better for adults and kids who rely on Medicaid when that’s getting cut?”

“What it comes down to is simple math,” said Roy Owens, another elementary school teacher from Oak Hills, VT. “You can’t suddenly tell people that a dead pig is a unicorn.”

“Anybody knows that,” giggled Kimesha Wunderling, 8, of Baltimore. “Well, most people know that.”

Third grader Kara Weems looks forward to
voting age.
“I can’t wait till I can vote,” said math whiz Kara Weems, 7, of Worchester, MA., whose father gave up a week’s pay as a WalMart cashier to accompany his daughter on the trip.  “I hope my cystic fibrosis stays in remission till then.”


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