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Sessions reverses policy stance after drunken, weed-fueled Coachella weekend

U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions dialed back his rabidly anti-marijuana and moralistic law enforcement stance Sunday after three days wandering the Coachella Music Festival in Indio, CA.

Sessions’ glassy-eyed appearance at the festival, in the company of Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, conflicted with his angry contention that “good people don’t smoke marijuana.”
“I couldn’ta been more wrong,” Sessions exclaimed, diving into a double basket of hot wings. “They smoke pot. They trip. They booze it up. And they take 'shrooms. My whole event horizon’s changed since Friday when we got here and got hooked up at the gate.”Sessions and Tillerson, who Sessions describes as “more of a whiskey bitch than Tom Waits,” spent the next sleepless 72 hours going booth-to-booth in a“boots on the ground kinda intensive study,” he said.“After a bag and a half of Afghan Haze and a few hours with Rex at the Heineken House tent, we were totally ready for the Glass Animals set, which fuckin’ blew m…

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