12 Strict Parole Board Rules for O.J. Simpson's Freedom

After nine years in prison, football icon and movie star O.J. Simpson has been paroled by the state of Nevada for kidnapping and robbery convictions from a 2007 incident in Las Vegas. But his freedom doesn't come without strings. The parole board, in the interest of public safety and Simpson's tenuous grasp of right and wrong, has ordered the former Heisman trophy athlete to adhere to strict conditions for his release.

1.  No more poker night with Mark Fuhrman.

2.  No killing before 11 p.m.

3.  No selling of prisonwear on eBay

4.  No pranking new neighbors with chalk outlines on driveway.

5.  Meetings with real killer must be supervised by Goldstone and Kushner.

6.  Daily affirmations must be cleared by three mental health     professionals.

7.  Lose the Blahniks.

8.  Yes: Internet porn.  No: Internet sports memorabilia.

9.  Line of available sick women must not block sidewalk.

10. Cannot live within 100 yards of a Home Depot.

11. Cosplay costumes must not cover face.

12. Yes: This is Us.  No: Game of Thrones.