If Patton's Speech Had Been Edited by the DNC
"Be seated. Or stand, which will strengthen your core."
You are here because you are real men and women, and all
real men and women like to fight but
only if necessary.
When you, here, every one of you, were kids, you all admired the champion marble
the fastest runner, the toughest boxer [suggest changing in light of current anti-bully stance], the big league ball players [suggest Pop Warner—“big league” has
baggage] , and
the All-American football players, some of whom come from distant lands. Americans love a winner. Americans will
not tolerate a loser will help others become winners. Americans despise are uncomfortable with cowards the courage-challenged . Americans play to win all most of the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for pay any attention to a man person who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost nor
will ever lose a war persevere;
for the very idea of losing is hateful terribly uncomfortable to an American.
An Army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats, and fights as a team. This individual heroic stuff is
pure horseshit some people’s truth, but not everyone’s. The bilious bastards misguided souls who write that kind of stuff for the Saturday
Evening Post [Note: it’s a non-profit organization
now; say “Fox News”] don't know any more about real fighting
under fire than they know about fucking long division! We have the finest food, the finest equipment, the best spirit,
and the best men and
women of every sexual orientation in the world. Why, by God, I actually pity those poor
going up against. By God, I do.
not overdo it—you made your point]
I want you to remember that no
bastard child of a single parent ever won a war by dying for
his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard person die for his or her country.
Each man must not think only of himself, but also of
brave man or woman fighting
beside him. We don't want yellow cowards those who are uncommitted in this Army. They should be killed off like rats re-directed. If not, they will go home after this
war and breed
[what—are you TRYING to sound like a Republican? Say “inspire”] more cowards. The brave men will breed
inspire more brave men. Kill off the
Goddamned cowards and we will have It takes a village to make a nation of brave men.
One of the bravest men that I ever saw was a fellow on top of aAnd you should have seen those trucks on the road to Tunisia. Many of those men drove for over forty consecutive hours. These men weren't combat men, but they were soldiers with a job to do and a union. They were part of a team. Without team effort, without them, the fight would have been lost. Management would’ve cut them to 25 hours to keep them from getting benefits. All of the links in the chain pulled together and the chain became unbreakable, Which is the kind of partnership and soaring rhetoric that wins wars.
telegraph pole [relevance—say “cell phone tower”] in the midst of a furious fire fight in
North Africa [Note: we are not officially in Tunisia] . I stopped and asked what the hell on Earth he was doing up there at a time like that. He answered, 'Fixing
the wire widening
the bandwidth, Sir.'
[General you need
a fresh communications brief] I asked, 'Isn't that a little unhealthy right about now?' [Excellent—falls into fitness
answered, 'Yes Sir, but the Goddamned wire has to be fixed we can’t win a conflict with dial-up.' I asked, 'Don't those planes strafing the road bother you?' And he answered, 'No, Sir, but
you sure as hell do!' [LMAO,
there was a real man. A real soldier. There was a man who devoted all he had to
his duty, no matter how seemingly insignificant his duty might appear at the
time, no matter how great the odds.
We're not going to just
shoot thoroughly defeat the sons-of-bitches opposition, we're going to rip out their living Goddamned guts win big and use them to grease the treads of our tanks make further progress. We're going to murder those lousy Hun cocksuckers by the
bushel-fucking basket prevail.
War is a
bloody, killing complicated business. You've got to spill their
on message, or
they will spill yours win. Rip
them up the belly. Shoot them in the guts. When you put your hand into a
bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what
to do. Be thoughtful, be thorough, and remember the team.
From time to time there will be some complaints that we are pushing our people too hard. I
don't give a good Goddamn am unconcerned about such complaints. I believe in the
old and sound rule that an ounce of sweat persperation will save a gallon of blood desperation. [see where I’m going here? Much more visual and direct]
There is one great thing that you men
people and women [oops!
Never say “you people” to a diverse fighting force] will all be able to say after this war
is over and you are home once again. You may be thankful that twenty years from
now when you are sitting by the fireplace entertainment center with your grand son child on your knee (should you marry or decide to adopt) and he or she asks
you what you did in the great World War II, you WON'T have to say, 'Well, I shoveled
shit in Louisiana
offered support at home.' No, Sir, friend, you
can look him or
her straight in the
eye and say, 'Son child,
your Grand daddy person
rode with the Great Third Army and a Son-of-a- Goddamned-Bitch named Georgie
believed in you by the name of George S. Patton!'[Reminder: don’t self-deprecate; it dilutes your message and makes
the troops less inclined to take you seriously. Just a thought. Good luck with the landing!]