15 signs for women that your Valentine’s date will be a disappointment

As the economy improves so do one’s chances for finding true love—but there’s a catch to finding “a catch.”  Especially on Valentine’s Day.

An article in the February newsletter of the American Couples Health Observation Organization (ACHOO) says that more disposable income among singles looking for partners has “spiced up the dating pool,” raising not only hopes but also expectations.  “This is especially true for women at this time of the year,” says author Marcy Stradler, “because men often present a public face that—on the surface—seems magnetic, there are quantifiable ‘markers’ that they may not be ‘the one.’”
 

Stradler presents a list of subtle “mis-messages” that women tend to overlook in the heat of Valentine’s Day expectations in order to see only the parts of a man’s character that they want to see.   “This list is not comprehensive, but is only meant to be a guide.  If you notice one of these dating cues, you have a ‘picking problem.’  If you notice two, you are possibly on a bad date.   If you see three or more of these signs, it is perhaps best to end the date quickly and settle in for another night watching reruns of Burn Notice.”

"You need to watch men, negotiate with them. let them know what your expectations are but try not to let them over-expect, especially on V-Day," Stradler warned.  "Go slowly.  Wearing a Nutella thong on such a highly charged day sends a mixed message."

Signs women should pay heed to, according to Stradler:

1. His fraternity nickname was “Cuddles.”
2. His Valentine’s gift is “Lotion-in-a-Basket.”
3. He reveals a hickey on a part of his body you wouldn’t touch with your foot.
4. Framed “Brony” membership certificate.
5. Hair smells vaguely of spray paint.
6. Does that “I’ve got your nose!” trick every time the waiter comes to the table.
7. Off-handedly remarks that he loves the way orange-colored Lululemons complement his moose knuckle.
8. You notice a shovel and a bag of lye in the back seat.
9. Cologne has middle notes of ranch dressing and bleach.
10. License plate frame declares he’s a “Friend of Liza’s.”
11. Commemorative plaque for each ex-wife.
12. Keeps trim by chewing food then spitting it in his napkin.
13. Invites you back to the apartment to see his collection of marionettes.
14. Talks to his hand as if it’s a third person.
15. Everything’s totally working out till you hear giggling from the bedroom closet.

“Of course, this list is meant to be just a suggestion,” Stradler warned.  “I’m sure your own instincts and hard-won inner reflection will guide you through the evening and the subsequent two weeks waiting for a phone call.”