President declares May 2 National STFU Day
On that day, the internet will be shut down, cell phone towers will be blocked, and all broadcast news operations will be suspended for 24 hours at midnight.
"It will take a couple of days' preparation," Obama said, "but the benefits of a day when no one says a single word will become clear by about hour two." The utter silence about vaccines, riots, droughts, upcoming Supreme Court rulings, law enforcement, healthcare, income disparity, Common Core, do-nothing government, the economy, the Islamic State, and Bruce Jenner, will, the president hopes, "allow all Americans a chance to give it a freakin' rest."
Objections are already arising from a quartet of Republican presidential hopefuls who have vowed to keep talking throughout the 24-hour period.