“Allred” Gardening Tool Recalled by TrueValue

Chicago - TrueValue Hardware has recalled a combination fertilizer spreader and landscape tool that promises to transform dirt into flowers.  The “Allred,” a tool that comes in handy every four years for taking ordinary soil and turning it into a garden, was removed from TrueValue stores when it was found that the garden lasts only for two weeks and that the tool itself loses flexibility and rusts when stored. 

The Allred has been a staple at TrueValue for decades, although few people have bought one and most who have bought it don’t know what to make of it.   “It’s a tool that sort of looks like it’s helping the garden but is more interested in propagating itself,” said Inez Rodarte.   But what’s weird is that damned garden—it’s gonna be dead before daylight savings time is over, I know it.  Happens every time.”

“We keep the Allred around mostly for nostalgic reasons,” said Ben Nimitz, a TrueValue Hardware manager from Redondo Beach , California.  “But nobody much cares about it because it doesn’t really help the person using it.  It’s a tool’s tool.”