Oil Executives Alarmed at Clean Water in Gulf

Baton Rouge, Louisiana - A mile-long, 100-feet wide sheen of clean ocean water teeming with healthy plants and marine life has been sighted near the sites of two demolished oil platforms in the Louisiana gulf. Stunned oil company executives have pressed for a federal investigation into the source of the clear liquid in the wake of a new explosion on an oilrig 500 miles west of the former Deepwater Horizon platform.

“We want to know who did this, and why,” said Exxon official Mark Langford. “Our industry has spent billions of dollars and countless worker hours to keep the gulf rich in this most necessary nonrenewable fuel, and we’re not giving in to a creeping disaster that threatens everything we hold dear.”

So far, the clean water has been contained within a few square miles, but the president of British Petroleum has already stepped in to locate and cap the source of the water. Robotic surveillance equipment has been placed a mile beneath the water’s surface to seek out the water’s origin.

“This is completely unexpected and unacceptable,” said BP President Bob Dudley, who is in charge of the gulf oil region. “So far we’ve harnessed the power of local fishing fleets to help us keep it from becoming a full-scale disaster.”

A “top-kill” strategy is already underway, with millions of tons of concrete, tires, shale, and clean water-eating bacteria brought in to control the sparkling blue slick. The Obama administration has not commented on the new problem, but a team of government officials has arrived in the area to investigate. But time is of the essence.

Already, schools of dolphins, tuna, shrimp, egrets, and other saltwater life are rushing into the area, and Louisiana’s oil-enriched inlets and ecosystems are threatened with a return to the same biological trauma that existed there 50 years ago.